Why consider a cooperative divorce?
BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR FEELINGS MATTER.
Having thoughts and feelings is what makes us human. Our emotional lives are real, valid, and one of the most powerful forces in our lives, and our feelings about our families and relationships usually override everything else.
To ignore this truth is, at best, unfulfilling. At worst, it's self-sabotaging.
I choose to specialize in cooperative divorce resolution methods, and to offer life coaching as well, because for many people, focusing only on the practical and legal requirements of a divorce is simply not enough.
LITIGATION LEAVES YOUR FEELINGS OUT AND IS OFTEN HARMFUL.
Traditional divorce (aka "litigation") requires one spouse to sue the other in a civil court. It pits you against your spouse, creating a win-lose dynamic that tends to push even the most reasonable, amicable spouses into self-sabotaging, entrenched positions.
This exacerbates existing hurts, causes lasting emotional harm, and usually sets both parties back financially. Though it can be an effective vehicle for revenge or emotional manipulation, rarely does a litigated result meet the actual needs of anyone involved--least of all children.
Though divorce law no longer requires the parties to show that someone was "at fault" for the demise of the relationship, litigation usually reinforces the old belief system: that marriages are "supposed" to last forever and if they don't, then someone is to blame.
Too many people cling to this old belief and end up causing a lot of unnecessary harm to themselves and the people they love.
NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE MEANT TO LAST FOREVER. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'VE FAILED.
You are human. Your spouse is human. Life is complicated. Sometimes things must change, and sometimes that change hurts or scares the hell out of us. But I believe that all times of change, even the dark, painful, emotional ones, are extremely powerful.
When you choose to act from love -- of yourself, of peace, of highest good -- even the most wrenching experiences become catalysts for greatness.
Though it can be hard to look beyond the immediate emotional turmoil, and the desire to just have it over-with already, the transition of divorce or separation is a time to sort out the things that really matter for your future.
This includes who you want to be and how you want to feel.
Do you want to look back at your relationship and divorce ten years later and still be filled with shame or sadness or anger about how it turned out? Do you want to be frustrated by trying to co-parent with a bitter ex-spouse?
Or do you want to choose the greatest good for your future self and commit to working through a comprehensive and fulfilling resolution now?
YOU CAN CHOOSE A MORE RESPECTFUL, FLEXIBLE, AND HEALING APPROACH.
Cooperative divorce models have the potential to help all parties, including children, journey through the divorce transition with integrity and respect, with their immediate needs met, and their longterm goals on track.
Understanding the difference between an unproductive "negotiating position" and a much more flexible, productive "interest," cooperative divorce processes can help parties understand what their real needs and interests are.
This allows greater ease, authenticity and creativity, which helps couples more easily and frankly discuss difficult issues, have productive problem-solving experiences, and create a divorce settlement that feels right to everyone.